Working Hard or Hardly Working?

I am in the process of applying for jobs post-graduation. I forgot how much this sucks and am currently semi-kicking myself for not applying to grad school straight out of college. Why, you ask, does this process suck?

First of all, it reminds you of your utter insignificance. You are an entry-level, bottom of the barrel, lowest rung of the ladder, gum on the bottom of someone's shoe office bitch. It doesn't matter how much money you will be making in a starting entry-level position, what your undergraduate degree is, where you went to school, how many lives you've saved, what you got on your SATs, or how amazing you think you may be. You, as the potential employee, cease to matter the moment you apply for a job. You lose all of your human qualities and become a robot. Your job? Mechanically spit out cover letters, prattle off your qualifications, and suck up expertly to people who matter. Why do these people matter? You see, the infamous "they" have the capacity to sign off on that all powerful key to your daily existence: a paycheck. That's right. It's what we all need to live and subsist on a daily basis in this world. Maybe these people in their plush rolling office chairs forgot what it was like to be scared of the real world post-graduation. Better yet, maybe rap stars weren't so wrong when they talked about makin' that paper/cheese/bling/dough/green/bread and the need to just "get paaaaaaaaaaid, brotha!"

As a result of your insignificance, no one feels any compulsion to get back to you. Ever. Yesterday I was supposed to hear about a fellowship. I anxiously checked my email all day to hear word. This isn't any fellowship, either. It's THE fellowship that I desperately want for next year. I have hyped it up to all of my friends and family, and had a great interview in spite of writing a cheesy essay for my application. And did I get said much anticipated email? No. I sat and spazed out at the Reg in typical Jo fashion--quasi-attempting to do homework, listening to Israeli music, and clicking my mouse obsessively on the "Refresh" part of my email. I drafted three emails to write to the director of the program, and told myself to stop being OCD. I wanted to be fair, and didn't want to email him without giving him a full 24 hours of April 9 to inform me of my status. After all, at my interview, I was told there were 80 applications to about 8-15 slots. I then waited all day today. Nothing. I finally caved and emailed him because another friend told me she heard from them. Even if I get an email getting no love, at least I would know my status and be able to plan/respond accordingly. Does it take that much of a person's time to write an email saying, "No, you suck, bye" or "Yay, we love you, here's a job?" No. But do people care about entry-level kids straight out of college who are essentially going to be gophers for a year or two? No. Not at all. There is not even a pretense of decency and basic politeness about the process. It's all about power dynamics.

I understand that these people are busy and have better things to do. That's totally cool with me. But, honestly, how hard is it to keep your word to someone? During the hellish process that is currently known as my life senior year--writing a BA paper, being a full time student, having a part-time job, attempting to meet my own basic needs for survival--applying for full time employment post-graduation is so difficult. Do these people actually need to make it harder? No. Do they anyway? Of course. Because, again, you don't matter.

If this were my only frustrating story, I would chalk it up to the disorganization of the non-profit world. But, of course, that isn't the case because, to quote another cliche, when it rains, it really fucking pours.

I was supposed to have an interview on Friday to be someone's research assistant here at the U of C. The job actually sounded really interesting, and I was getting excited about it. I planned my entire day around the phone interview. I went home to ensure privacy and confidentiality during the interview. At the appointed time of 3:30, my cell phone rings. The conversation afterwards goes something like this:

Me: Hello?
Interviewer: Hello Joelle, I'm sorry to tell you this, but I don't have time to interview you today.
Me: Oh...okay. I understand; you are probably very busy.
Interviewer: Yeah..but I can ask you a few questions. What is your experience with ____?
Me: *brief explanation*
Interviewer: Okay, yeah, great, yeah.. I'll try to get back to you next week, but as you know, it's the Jewish holiday of Passover.
Me: Yes, I celebrate the holiday too
Interviewer: Yeah, so, I'll try to get back to you but am not making any promises. Great chatting with you.
Me: Yeah, thanks for your...time. Have a nice holiday.

*end of convo*

The simple question is this: if you didn't have time to interview me on Friday at 3:30, WHY DID YOU SCHEDULE IT FOR THAT TIME? WHY? YOU CHOSE THE TIME!!!!! CHOOSE A TIME THAT WORKS FOR YOU AND STICK WITH IT! One of the first lessons we all learn as small children is the importance of following through with a committment, even if it is something we don't like. Our parents/mentors always make us suck it up and confront whatever it is we are forced to reckon with. Why do people in positions of power forget the basic rules of human contact we learn in kindergarten? Unclear. Really, just unclear.

One step further, if said interviewer knew he/she couldn't make that particular time because of something which happened that day, he/she could have easily just sent me an email saying it wasn't feasible. This would have allowed me to stay at the Reg and write/work more on my BA instead of come home and loaf. But did he/she do this? No. Why? To be davka, and/or because he/she has the power to sign paychecks while I remain an insignificant, hopeful recipient.

And that, my friends, is my current potential employment status. I am off to return to the world of my BA, which is brightened only by interactions with suffering fellow students and the brilliant insights of one Leon R. Kass, who remains the most brilliant yet humble man I have ever met. It remains mind boggling how someone of Mr. Kass' intelligence and fame remains humble, welcoming, and kind to his students. Why is it that Mr. Kass has the capacity to treat me as someone of significance, and employers are devoid of that quality altogether? Sigh.

Back to the BA... Hopefully, in days to come a more pleasant update will be had. Until then, just remember that if you are reading this blog (especially if you are a graduating fourth year!) you are significant to me, even if not to potential employers or the evil that is the corporate world. Much love.